Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
