every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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