you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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