It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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