I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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