That's intense
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
