You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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