I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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