good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
