Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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