i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
