I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
