I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize