I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
