she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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