She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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