as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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