We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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