hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
