i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
