Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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