He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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