I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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