I think i peed on brittanys purse
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
