his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We don't watch enough power rangers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
