I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Randomize
