im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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