glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
