I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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