Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
