What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
