Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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