I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
