His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
