don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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