he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
