bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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