I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
