I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
