:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
