I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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