The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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