So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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