you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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