You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
