So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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