doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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