i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
