I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
