Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
