The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
