I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Actions speak louder than pants.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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