i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
