sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
