I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
