I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
