I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
