Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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