Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
