Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
