Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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