so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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