I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
