And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
