I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
