Only a mothe r could love this liver
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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