The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
