The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Someone came in the potted fern
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
