I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
