You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
