ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
