The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
