I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
