hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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