laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
