sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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