9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
