some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
