Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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