3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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