new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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