We're like a lot better than the average bears
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
