Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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