low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
