Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
