And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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