8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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